Splash Park Post #5

Posted on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013 by Austin Gerth

The Splash Park in action (2).

The Splash Park in action (2).

Following a period of intense busyness at the Splash Park, my last couple of days have been pretty tranquil (albeit long: I’ve been working a lot of ten hour days lately). There’s been only one minor disruption to this uncharacteristic pleasance at my work place: wasps have been coming out of the drains.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Austin, wasps are your most hated adversary, how can you say they’re only a minor disruption; plus there’s so many kids around, isn’t that a really huge problem for the park?” Your worry is understandable, dear reader; however, these wasps don’t seem to be capable of undermining me, and not one of my young customers has been stung yet. Normally, having wasps confirmed to be leaking out from five of the six large drains at my place of work would be one of my worst nightmares, but it’s not actually so bad in reality because the wasps are pretty well occupied by trying not to drown, and therefore they are incapable (so far) of effectively tyrannizing the park, as they no doubt wish to do. During the day I keep the park’s water running more or less constantly, which means that there’s a large and constant amount of water flowing down to wherever it is that they’ve nested themselves (which their nesting place must be in some place where all the drains meet, otherwise their presence would theoretically be localized to one drain, rather than throughout the whole of the park). This water flow situation means that any wasp lucky enough to fight its way to the surface and out the drain finds itself waterlogged and unable to fly, forced to crawl confusedly along and being pushed constantly back toward the mouth of the drain from whence it’d sprung.

Even though the wasps are greatly weakened by the constant water flow, I still don’t really want them around my workplace, so I (of course) noted my boss shortly after becoming convinced they’d nested in the drains; as such, the wasps’ days at the park are numbered, and may have already come to an end (I didn’t work today), but in the meantime before city officials could take care of them, I took it upon myself to periodically canvass the park with a large, orange hammer I found in the Splash Park’s storage shed, smashing any visible wasps into oblivion. In doing so I’ve spent two days living out the insect revenge fantasy of my dreams.

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About Austin Gerth


Austin Gerth

Writing & Philosophy

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Twitter: @Austin_Gerth

Hello everyone! I’m Austin Gerth, class of 2016, from scenic Princeton, Minnesota. My hobbies include listening to and playing music, reading, watching movies, and thinking about things. I’m majoring in Writing. After college, I hope to be either some sort of writer or some sort of homeless (or both). I chose to come to Concordia mostly for the food, though it has a lot of other good qualities as well. Since coming to Concordia I’ve been to dorm room eggnog parties and late-night viral video productions; I’ve listened to a lot of Justin Timberlake and blindly taken a yoga class with no prior experience; I’ve participated in a heroically unproductive religion study group and fallen asleep in the campus center. On top of these things, I’ve also received a superlative education. If you like wind and pizza, you’ll like Fargo-Moorhead, and if you like corn-oriented humor, semi-gourmet cafeteria food, or late-night intellectual behavior, you’ll like Concordia. If you like all of the above, you’re probably already here and we’re probably already friends.